i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
