Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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