these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
