so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
