Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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