I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
