Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have fence marks all over my body
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize