Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
