All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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