Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
