dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do vagina's smell?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
