i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
