I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
