I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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