I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
