Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
false alarm. still invincible.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
