New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
