I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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