I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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