i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
