so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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