I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
