if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize