I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
