College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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