he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
