She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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