I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
