No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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