By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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