so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
