I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
