Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
