My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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