are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
