You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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