i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He passed out mid-signature
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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