Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
