did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
