I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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