new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize