Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
