I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
