I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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