just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
