She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
