It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
