eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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