God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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