You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
