all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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