Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
