Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
