I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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