Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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