I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize