lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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