What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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