your parents love me but you hate me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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