Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
