Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
two words...techno handjob
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
