How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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