It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That accounts for only three of the penises
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
