You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want her autograph on my taint
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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