She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
