garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
