this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize