It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
