he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
