Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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