I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
