Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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