cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
