anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
