I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
