so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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